Counting Up

Day –ve 001

“Curse you L&M, Pall Mall and all your family. I hate you” even though there was still a few last sip of the smoke. Well, this time I’m determined. I don’t want to wait till this pack finish. So I left this very last pack along with the lighter at the column. Yes, I am spirited. Well, maybe because it is still fresh from my last sip. But, let see how it going to be for tomorrow.

Day 000

Wow, it is already 12 hours without it. I’m already above the fence. So I’ve got to clear up the empty packs above my closet. And suddenly there is still one of it left. Well, let’s finish it. Fuuh, but *sigh*, I’m failed to started it again. But how nice I realized it half the way from it finish. Well, let’s get it started again.

Day 001

Hrnghhh. Today I’m working. Well, by noon I already completed 1 day full without it. Yes. But still the addiction is very strong as I’m sweating to fight with it. Please, help.

Day 002

Do I have to tell my ma? Nope, perhaps being secretive about this is much better.   So I can nurture my determination much higher. Hurnghhh, my friends thought I still taking it as usual but not anymore. But I have to accompany him outside the office.

Day 003

Well, I couldn’t believe I’ve made it this far. So it is true. To stop taking it, we should totally stop. Not slowly, but immediately. This thing should not be compromised. Well, the addiction of it still lingers very strong.

Day 004

I feel confident but still a bit confuse. This situation makes me so confuse. I have to stop any activities that I always did while taking it such as meditate in ‘Jamban’,  ‘angkat pakaian di jemuran’, driving slowly in the van… but wait a minute. Should I stop driving? Or do I suppose to drive very fast? Just kidding. Well, I have to stop as it will makes me want it so badly.

Day 005

Wow, I still can’t believe until this day. But still I miss it so bad and I almost want to ask my friend a sip of it. My naughty idea suggests that I should go out tonight and enjoy some Shisha. But my will says that I should not take it at all as Shisha just a sibling of it.

Day 006

Holiday and not working. Hnggh… staying at home make me feel uneasy. Waa, I sweat even more and I still fighting against it. Well, I fill my time with Kinecting all day long.

Day 007

Holiday again. And it is already 1 week without it. What an achievement I’ve got here. Alhamdulillah. But it is not great enough. I need at least 6 month to makes me feel free from it. I don’t want to be their servant anymore. I want to be free, free, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. But believe me, the addiction is too strong during holiday. *sigh*

Day 008

So this is the beginning of another week and I want to continue my new birth of life. Yes, I considered it as refreshing my life. But, the life become much more hectic and tension arose really fast. I believe this is the test for us who makes mistakes before. So we have to go through it. I do tell my ma, I want her prayers to help me to go through this fights. Thanks ma.

Day 009

Well, the change of everyday routine might affect the judgment of my mind. Yes I believe even people will get crazy because of drugs. But today is my lowest point in my life as I’m working at this place. The decision and deliverance of all the task are not totally correct. I might hurt somebody’s feelings. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. It is out of control. And I’m not superior enough to prevent the event from happening.

Day 010

Because of yesterday issue, I feel I really need some sip of it as I want to get relax as I experienced before with it. But, I don’t want to waste my 10 days achievement. I need to be totally free from it by at least for 6 months. Plus, my friend told me that by 1 month, this addiction will forever gone. InsyaAllah.

Day 011

“Where do you want to go? Just relax a bit. Please have a piece of mine” my boss offered me the thing. But I’m sorry, I’m not taking it anymore. Well, for today I believe the addiction is lesser than previous days.

Day 012

Well, rewind a bit for today, erm, I don’t think that I ever thought about it for today. Alhamdulillah. No, I don’t need it. Yes, even though I think I became sleepy so easily this day but well, the feeling of freeness is great. But I have to get prepare because tomorrow is holiday. Holiday is tough as I have to keep busy to avoid thinking of it.

"229. IF A BUILDER BUILDS A HOUSE FOR SOMEONE, AND DOES NOT CONSTRUCT IT PROPERLY, AND THE HOUSE WHICH HE BUILT FALLS IN AND KILLS IT OWNER, THEN THE BUILDER SHALL BE PUT TO DEATH" – Hammurabi's Code Of Laws –